we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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