just tell him i said nine months
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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