grandma shit on top of the toilet
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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