the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
