I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize