i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
