Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
