Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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