she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize