It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
