we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
