no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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