I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
