she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
