Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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