Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
