it wasn't lemon gatorade
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
