can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
