I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
