I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Never underestimate the power of titties
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
