We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
