Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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