My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
