I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
