I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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