first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
