cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
