everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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