So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
