I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
