Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
