I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
