literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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