WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
