mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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