We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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