google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
