I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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