On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is my gift to your gina
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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