dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
