Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
