everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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