sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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