What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize