Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
