i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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