I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
