Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize