I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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