Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
