You made me cry and you don't even care
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
