all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
