I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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