Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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