Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
