It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
