he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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