He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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