There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize