My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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