Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
