i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize