careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
