I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ttyl tear gas
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
