its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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