addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A+ Viking dick
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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