She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
