It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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