A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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