she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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