And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
