It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
