and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
