Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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