he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
