who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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